Post-Murder

Modern Amman

2008

Featureless empty figures,
speeding above our roof,
too heavy to settle on earth,
you'll never learn the language of clouds

on Aqaba

I had the chance to stay in Aqaba for three days at the beginning of this semester, it was my first time there and we were supposed to visit all the new projects and have an idea about what is going on there. I honestly was very excited to see this part of Jordan, but it was nothing like I expected it to be, and maybe the reason behind this is that I just didn’t see the real Aqaba. The part I saw was an Ammani like circle, with all the junk food restaurants and coffee shops, a couple of 5 stars hotels, and some huge fancy resort projects. There was a possible public beach “Aqua Marine Park” which I’m not pretty sure it’s public because I haven’t seen a single local anywhere there.

Throughout the trip I heard a lot of talking about the development plan of Aqaba which includes preserving the shores and introducing sustainable designs to the city which in fact is an excellent approach. But obviously the aim is to transform it into a big fancy resort that pumps up money to the city or whoever is behind those projects. its already happening on a small scale in Tala-bay for example, which I really despise. The other turn was Ayla Oasis, a very ambitious project, still under construction and expected to be ready in 9 or 10 years. With a total cost of 1.5 billion they are building a huge complex under the concept of creating an “Arabian Venice”!! I just don’t get it! So the ultimate goal now is to turn Aqaba into a wanna-be Venice??? I mean at least have some dignity and promote it in a proper way.

Anyway, I wanted to go to any public beach or port, even the fish market but I’ve been told that it’s full of nawar “vulgars” and it’s not safe to go in there! I don’t really believe all this crap, but I was out of directions and company, so there’s a whole part of the city that I didn’t get the chance to visit but I’m pretty sure it’s totally different from what I’ve seen.

It just saddens me to see all this happening; we are losing the last pieces of something called identity.

Sun is the same

Aqaba,2008

"the sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,shorter of breath,and one day closer to death"

Club Silencio

Mullholland Dr.

Repetition
Infinite words, voices, feelings,
Happening right now, and forever replicating…. But there is no band,
Lip synching skies above, falling
Infinite silence….

Never forget to breathe

Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave, but don't leave me
Look around
Choose your own ground
Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be
Run, rabbit run
Dig that hole, forget the sun
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down It's time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave

Pink Floyd

thoughts upon a tree

If my body was altered by a muted moment,
and my existence was reformed to fit the landscape,
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the cracks of your absence would be carved on my crust like the scars on the old man’s face,
my memories would be wrapped in precious solitary , hanging down like little light strings,
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and if you follow your steps outside your own shell, you will find me standing under the blue light,embracing the echo of your unspoken words.

5th year : processing

I Just realized that the coming year is my fifth year in Amman, I can’t believe how time passed so quickly , it feels that only yesterday I was sanfoora (first year student) , and honestly I always thought that I would feel old when I get to this point, surprisingly I don’t, I actually feel that I gained a considerable amount of experience throughout those four years which really gives me a push forward, what I like the most about it is that “for the first time” I made a real decision that turned my life upside down, I did it happily and accepted all the consequences that followed, for this I am really proud.

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Away from all academic and practical issues, I really learned a lot about myself, about people, and most of all about a whole new place, Amman that is, I always wanted to study here, first because of the lack of options I had ,and second because I wanted a place where i can really touch upon life in, and I’m talking (people, stories , nature, culture) wise, and honestly no matter how unpleasant this place can be sometimes, I still find it fascinating, there is really something special about it, I mean you hear everyone complaining about almost EVERYTHING here, I don’t blame them, in fact I agree that Amman is almost on the edge, and yet I find myself really attached to every part of it , maybe sometimes it’s about good memories, but I believe it’s the sense of the place, the spirit of it, and I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, what is it that really shaped Amman throughout the years, is it its diversity, the extreme contrasts, money? or is it something related to people and their mentality, their high acceptance for new things perhaps? Whatever the reason is I believe that there is something behind it that makes you feel different, that really shakes your senses.

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I still don’t know if I’m going to settle down here at the end, sometimes i picture myself somewhere far away from here, other times Amman just fits me right, who knows 8)

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What I thought possible to do through this blog is to actually document any observations, and whatever ideas,stories i can collect about Amman , due to my studies I get the chance to move inside and around the city a lot, so I will try to put the pieces together, through words and photos,and see if it could form a picture at the end!

Dream Pattern

"They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life? "

waking life

All I Remember

I remember a shy little girl, sitting on a wooden bench at the park while other kids were playing, blowing fluffy bubbles and giving a name to every flower she saw. I remember her, sticking her face to the car window, and wondering why the moon is following her home.

I remember the madcap roaming the city, singing a song he learned a million years ago, throwing rocks gently into the river and observing the perfect formation of circles, I remember him, spinning around and screaming “stop spinning you ancient sphere, free me from your gravity or swallow me for I wasn’t born to live on the surface”.

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I remember a friend, standing next to me in front of the infinite blue, “we look at the same frame of view, but what we see is different” he said, “what if our sight was brought together in one giant eye, would we see beyond this big bowl of tears?”, I remember him, gazing for hours at the abyss, and telling me stories about the blue fairy and her cosmic crystal ball.

I remember a melody, arriving with every wind blow, announcing the death of a shimmering star, calling us to curl up and listen one last time, I remember, being lift up inside a huge fluffy bubble, and watching the dazzling lights fade along with the music...

Pieces Re-Assembled

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Completely Shattered

what is it that makes us fall to pieces just when we thought we are too strong, what makes us realize that everything we have been building our life on is nothing more than a sweet delusion, the split second between our perfect devotion and our ultimate let go, when everything we had faith in, every little detail that we kept and treasured for years is no more of any value, and we are suddenly left alone with a million un-answered questions, and no clues where to go. What makes us abandon what we once stood up for and believed in, to follow a fake light that leads to absolute emptiness.

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Once Upon a Moon

“I don’t believe in attachments anymore” , I remember saying that the night I had to leave, the idea of leaving once again was my biggest fear, I walked a new path, only to realize after four years that I did nothing but getting myself attached, only to realize that I never walked a new road, that I never even left, that I am still caught in a blue moon and a few honest words.

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Its Never Too Late

What a ridiculous feeling, when we find ourselves in the middle of a place we don’t recognize, and at our highest level of consciousness we can’t name one reason why are we here, but we keep walking, and we avoid remembering our dreams, we try to shut all the voices down, and we keep running, trying to catch the last train, but what if there is no train? we happily carry our fake tickets to Neverland and run, and we hang on to a path that we never belonged to, only to find that it was an illusion, and throughout this journey we can only think "there's not much time left".